Content warning: sexual violence

Sometimes–in a pandemic no less–you are faced with impossible choices. This one is about the 2020 election.

I cannot stomach Joe Biden. I #BelieveWomen. I know Tr*mp is a disaster that must be stopped at all costs.

ALL.

COSTS.

Does this mean I might actually have to choose which rapist to vote for in November? I am enraged at the Democratic Party for putting me in this position.

When Joe Biden announced his candidacy, Lucy Flores came forward with a story of inappropriate touching. At that time, several women came forward, including Tara Reade, Biden’s former staff assistant. In response, Tara was harassed. She had more to say, but had been effectively silenced.

Reade went to the #MeToo legal defense fund, but they chose not to take her case, because the accused was a Presidential candidate, and they were concerned about potential negative impact on their own organization. But recently, Tara Reade decided to come forward. Katie Halper has her story on the record of being sexually assaulted by Joe Biden.

There was no one else present to witness the alleged assault. She told a friend and a family member at the time. But mostly it’s her word against his. Should we just believe her? According to Joe Biden, we should. “For a woman to come forward in the glaring lights of focus, nationally, you’ve got to start off with the presumption that at least the essence of what she’s talking about is real,” said Biden in 2018. Ok then, Joe, I will.

It is important to note that the 1993 sexual assault she details by Biden includes rape. But the weaponized body part he used to violate her was his finger(s) not his penis. Many are confused about the legal definition of rape, so I will quote here the relevant parts of this updated definition by the US Department of Justice:

“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina…with any body part…without the consent of the victim.”

I write fiction about sexual violence. I write non-fiction about fighting sexual violence. I am not a rape survivor, but I am a survivor of various instances of other sexual violence. I never had an official policy: “don’t vote for rapists.” But I never thought I needed one. In 2016, I was so naïve. I thought Tr*mp’s candidacy was finished after he boasted about sexual assault. I was shocked at the media silence when Tr*mp was hit with a credible rape allegation in 2019 by E. Jean Carroll. I was so naive only four years ago. Only a year ago. Only now.

How can I be an anti-rape activist when I might have to cast a vote between two rapists? What does harm reduction look like? Vote for the one who raped fewer women? Vote for the one whose modus operandi isn’t seen as rape by more people? Vote for the one whose presidency would lead to fewer women being raped? Because Tr*mp is a disaster for women at every level.

How can I even maintain my “party of choice” as the party that would knowingly push to nominate an emotionally abusive, cognitively impaired man with a history of racial bigotry and sexually inappropriate behavior? Biden never apologized for inappropriate touching of women. He only defended his actions. Gaslighted everyone. But what did we expect? He is the same man who cleared the path for the first Supreme Court Justice who was a known sexual predator.

Biden is a terrible candidate. Voters don’t like him. No one is inspired by him. The Democrats only legitimized him by making backroom deals to clear the field of other moderates as a way of greasing his path to the nomination. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. The Dems moved forward with Biden, knowing there was the risk that more sexually violent history would come out in the wash.

I understand the emotional response of people–particularly women or survivors–who say they will never vote for Biden. We don’t want to be complicit. We don’t want to engage in supporting a rapist. And Biden has not yet clinched the nomination. But if he does, we who are citizens of this nation, have a serious decision to make. Because this US election will have such a massive worldwide impact, I don’t think there is a way for us to stay neutral. We either use our vote to defend against Tr*mp or we don’t. But when I think about having to make a voting decision between two rapists, it truly sickens me. How can I cast a vote for Biden now that I have heard Tara Reade’s story? If the path narrows to Biden and Tr*mp, how can I vote between two men whose history of violence erases my very humanity?

I can only call on my Black women ancestors. From times when my people were defined as less than human in both law and practice. My people have not always had the luxury of expecting choices that affirmed our humanity. We have not always had the luxury of abstaining from supporting perpetrators. In the name of enslaved Black women who had to pick cotton to enrich white rapists (sometimes their own). In the name of Jim Crow-era Black women who had to cook and clean for rapists (sometimes their own). And I stand in solidarity with all the women who have had to coexist with sexually violent men even today. In the name of every woman on every college campus who had to see their rapist walking across the quad. In the name of every woman who has ever had to stay in a relationship for economic reasons with someone who has sexually abused her. In the name of every woman who has ever been sexually harassed on a job she needed to keep. Including me. For all of the women in coronavirus lockdown with sexually abusive men when shelters are inaccessible. For all the women performing necessary services in the pandemic–side by side with colleagues or bosses who have harassed them–with no HR departments operating to complain to.  In the name of all these women, I vow to use any shred of power that I have to make the best choice available to me.

This latest accusation against Biden and the mainstream media’s silence about it has revealed a painful truth about our current times: as women of all races, our humanity is still not actually a given. In the absence of affirming choices, we can still make choices for survival. The things we do to survive can be brutal or even sickening. I could have to vote for a rapist, because it could be the difference between survival and death for so many around the world. But I will never  forgive the Democratic party for forcing us to make this choice.

I will never forget that Establishment Democrats were so committed to owning class interests—to protecting the wealth of the ultra-rich—that they refused to back the two most popular and effective candidates: Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. I still pray for a #Sanders2020 miracle. While #JoeHidesSandersPresides. Mainstream Democrats were so willing to prop up a crumbling system that only works for the one percent and is destroying the planet on its way out. So afraid of the Green New Deal. So afraid of Medicare for All. So eager to kowtow to the rich, that they would step on the bodies of sexual violence survivors to get there?

Our rage is fathomless. This betrayal is beyond words. But Establishment Democrats could still redeem themselves. It is time for the Democratic Establishment to take the loss. Let it go. Gently guide your confused candidate away from the podium and end his campaign.

Because you Establishment Democrats are yourselves on the way out. Another four years and you won’t be the Democratic majority anymore. Young people voted Sanders. The progressive takeover of the Democratic Party is underway during this election cycle. But the Establishment Democrats were never going to give up their political power without a fight. Even if it means betraying all of their espoused values: dumping the pretense of supporting women, of caring about democracy.

The Democrats could be the party that saves us from the nightmare of D*nald Tr*mp. But first they need to save us from the nightmare of Joe Biden. They can still fix this. Take the loss, neoliberals. Back Sanders.

Joe Drop Out.

JOE DROP OUT.

But if they insist on using every bit of their considerable might to push Biden, and they somehow manage to push him through, here’s what I will never do. Smile and sip my tea like everything is fine. Pretend that a Biden nominee would mean anything other than putting the lesser evil of two rapists in the White House. Biden might get my vote, but the Democrats will never get me to participate in the pretense that he is anything but the second to the last choice. The second to lowest layer of scum on the bottom of the barrel. Any vote for him is strictly about survival. #JoeDropOut. #IBelieveTara. #Sanders2020